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1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you’re running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it will inevitably be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you work on your flight, you’ll experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper ……. or start to drink your coffee.
6. If you’re assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats either side of you while you are still in the boarding area; Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to use the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking man/woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Of course – this is a joke. But, I can vouch for rule number 5 and 10! Rule number 1 I can say is not true as 80% of the 3000 flights I’ve operated have left on time. That’s just an estimate – I haven’t actually sat down and worked that out!!!!

Anyone else have any rules to add to the list?! I’d love to hear them…..

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The DVD was recorded in 1991 in Bucharest during the Dangerous Tour – and it’s MJ at his best. Absolutely amazing show, from an outstanding entertainer.

Despite all his ‘problems’ and eccentricity, he was (and remains) the King of Pop……

Video of Billie Jean Performed Live in Bucharest

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It’s the summer, and I work for an airline, therefore time is not something I have a lot of. I do try to fit in the odd post inbetween flights and nights out! Ha ha!

Today my chosen subject is ignorance.

I’ve never been under the illusion that every single passenger will respect the job I do. In fact, one of my colleagues shared a story with me recently. Whilst saying goodbye to 150 passengers, my Flight Attendant friend said goodbye to a young teenager. The little girl chose to ignore my colleague, and it was put down to shyness.

The real reason was much worse, and almost unbelievable. Her mum was following on behind and said the following to my colleague;

I’ve taught my daughter not to speak to the servants

If this was said to me I think I would have found it very hard to contain my anger. There is no need for such rudeness! That little girl is going to turn into a horrible woman – and it will be her parents fault…

Anyway, I digress.

There is nothing worse than being ignored. When I say goodbye to someone it is nice to get a response but, unfortunately, we don’t always get one. It angers me that I can look after someone for 2 hours, ensuring they are safe as well as comfortable, and not even get a thank you, or a goodbye.

If you are a passenger, PLEASE do not ignore us! I’m begging you. I can’t be the only one that gets upset by this, or am I?

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Most of us seem to be addicted to Air Crash Investigations, In fact I’ve often found myself watching an episode before heading off to work – and to anyone not the industry that probably seems a little sick. I find myself analysing any incident involving an aircraft, and try to put myself in the position of the crew onboard the affected flight.

I am also in the process of reading 4 books on plane crashes.

Question for other Flight Attendants: are you the same, or am I abnormal? Please let me know!

Anyway, tonight on BBC1 the movie ‘Red Eye’ is being shown – and I’ve never heard of it, let alone seen it. So, to anyone that HAS seen it – is it worth watching? Is it a good plot? Let me know……….

I’ll probably watch it regardless, but would be nice to know in advance if I’m going to be disappointed. The trailers look good, I’ve just watched on YouTube – see below;

Red Eye – Wes Craven – Tonight on BBC1 @10.15pm

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Ready? The question is…….

Why do the majority of wealthy men wear outrageous red trousers.

Usually jeans or corduroy trousers no less. Has anyone else noticed this trend? Or am I going mad? Please help me!

I’m not implying that there is anything wrong with red trousers of course – but it seems to be some sort of status symbol that I am blisfully unaware of.

My only guess so far is that red is a regal colour. The definition of regal being;

Characteristic of or suitable for a king or queen, especially in grandeur or magnificence.

So, maybe my theory is correct and it is a status symbol – a status of ‘magnificence’ or wealth. This then leads to another question – is this not a little arrogant?

I am not a big fan of anyone who advertises their wealth, as to me wealth does not make anyone a better person – especially if said person was born into wealth and has never known what it’s like to struggle financially.

Any thoughts? I’m intrigued to hear them……….

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Now, all passengers DO fasten their seatbelts for take-off and landing – but only because the crew physically check each and every one of them. But, many seem to believe that they can ignore them once we have landed and started taxiing to the gate.

The Flight Attendants are still wearing seatbelts – so why do passengers believe that they do not need to wear theirs?

It’s a question that crosses me mind EVERY DAY without fail. As soon as we have slowed down after landing, and pulled off the runway, I can hear the sound of metal buckles being unfastened. WHY?! Where do you think you are going? You can’t get out of your seat – so why unfasten your belt?

During taxi I admit it can feel as though we are travelling very slowly – but only because we have just slowed down from 150mph. We are still travelling at approx 30mph. Would you drive your car at that speed without your seatbelt on? Probably not – although I’m sure there are some that would and maybe these are the same passengers that feel it is necessary to unfasten their seatbelt before coming to a final stop.

Even worse, why oh why do some people decide it is safe to STAND UP while we are taxiing? Despite the public announcement stating otherwise.

We do not say the following for fun;

Please keep your seatbelts fastened until we have come to a complete and final stop AND the captain switches off the fasten seatbelt signs above you.

We really mean it. Stay in your seats with your belt fastened until the captain has given you the all clear. It’s for YOUR SAFETY.

Nobody is going to get off the aircraft until;

1. We have arrived at the gate
2. The doors have been opened
3. The ground staff have given us permission to allow you to disembark

So – you are not going to get anywhere faster by attempting to get your bags out of the overhead locker before we have arrived at the gate. So stay in your seats!

This also – of course – applies to your children. Yes, believe it or not (and I wouldn’t if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes), parents let their precious young children jump around with their seatbelts unfastened during the taxi.

Not only this, but those parents tend to ‘give us attitude’ when we demand that they secure their child with the seatbelt until we reach the gate.

The worst example I’ve witnessed took place only a few weeks ago in Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport. It’s a long taxi from the runway to the terminal we use at CDG, and I’m sure it’s a struggle to keep your child entertained whilst strapped in their seats. But a couple on this particular flight decided the best thing to do was to swing their child around by her legs and hang her high above their heads – upside down of course.

Despite TWO public announcements telling them to secure their child immediately – one from myself and the other from one of my colleagues – it still took a member of crew to endanger their own safety by walking up the cabin to demand the child is secured.

Guess what the reply from the mother was?

It is my child, and I decide what is safe and what isn’t

When you are onboard our aircraft madam, WE decide what is safe and what is not. Simple as that. Failure to comply is a criminal offence. In fact – one of our passengers has just been to court after deciding he was not going to fasten his seatbelt during turbulence despite the crew’s insistence that he has to. I’m pretty sure he has now learned his lesson…….

The seatbelt sign is illuminated for a reason – SAFETY. If the captain decides it is safe for you (or your child) to take off the seatbelt, then he or she will turn the sign off.

I will be writing an article on the complete lack of control some parents have over their children in a future article – and how some parents even think it is our responsibility to control them. Prepare to be surprised….

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It’s unclear how this incident was allowed to happen – but someone, somewhere, has cocked up big time! Let’s just be thankful that it was only an empty luggage cart that got sucked in, rather than a human – or worse still, a full luggage cart……

I’m joking of course – a human life is much more important than someones luggage. Although, I’m 99% sure many passengers would disagree with that after witnessing how attached to their belongings they can be!

Anyway……

Shall we look at a quick video taken after the incident? Unfortunately, nobody seems to have captured the pivotal moment of 747 engine power – so this is the best we have. It’s still slightly funny to see this metal object sticking out of the engine though;

The passengers – by the way – were taken back into the terminal and alternative travel arrangements were made (a plane without a luggage cart sticking out of the engine one would guess!).  The aircraft was towed to a hanger where it will undergo inspection for any damage before flying again.

I’m sure Japan Airlines will be pretty keen to find the culprit here – a grounded plane costs an airline thousands (if not millions) of £$£$!

For the interested amongst you – the flight affected was Japan Airlines Flight 61 from Los Angeles to Narita and the incident happened around 1.30pm (LA Time) on May 11th 2009 during pushback.

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In fairness it has been a relatively non-eventful week. Mostly on time, and without incident – only the normal tiny and insignificant issues that we experience almost every day. Clue: p–seng–s!

Of course you would have all heard about the ‘Swine Flu’ outbreak that’s working its way around the world. In truth it has not affected us a great deal. We have had a few passengers wearing masks onboard, which amuses me for some reason…

With regards to us Flight Attendants, we have been asked to ‘do our bit’ by wearing gloves when taking rubbish from any passenger (especially tissues!), and by using anti-bacterial gel regularly. Basic hygiene standards should also – of course – be observed at all times.

I can’t say I’m that concerned about this strain of flu as it appears not to be causing serious illness for anyone outside of Mexico – but, it does make me think about how suscepticle to illness we are when spending 10 hours a day onboard an aircraft whilst coming into contact with 400+ passengers.

This week it has been difficult to ignore the slightest sneeze! When out on the service, all you can hear is passengers coughing and sneezing which would not normally register as a significant event – until this past week!

I flew from Madrid Barajas Airport today, and 2 of our passengers spent the entire 2 hours vomiting which always makes for a pleasant flight – note the hint of sarcasm…..

The joys of flying.

The good news is, 3 days off work now. Plus, it’s a bank holiday here in the UK tomorrow so I’m thinking some drinks are in order. I hope the sun decides to make an appearance as there is a beer garden waiting for me! It’ll probably rain all day now!

Anyway, it’s time for me to crawl into bed. Just noticed it’s 3am – guess time flies when you are having fun.

Speak soon – and I will attempt to write something more useful and insightful. I’ve got to stop posting when I’m so tired as it seems to result in inane ramblings rather than entertaining and/or informational posts………

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A Ryanair flight from Girona to Cagliari mistakenly landed on the airport’s taxiway that runs parallel to the runway and is now being investigated by the Italian authorities.

The taxiway is as wide as the runway, and runs directly alongside the designated landing strip (see map here)- but this is NO EXCUSE for landing on the wrong one.

I’m not a pilot, but even I can pick out a runway on approach. It’s usually the one lit up like a christmas tree with bright lights.

I can’t get my head around how two trained pilots (apparently) could manage to make such a huge mistake. The story is funny at first, until you start wondering what other mistakes its pilots are making.

However, on further investigations I came across some pilots comments that seemed to point the finger at the Cagliari approach and ATC. Apparently it’s normal to be cleared for up to 7 different approaches when on finals leading to confusion and inevitable mistakes.

This theory does match up with my one experience of a landing at this airport. We were asked to take our seats for landing, but then took 20mins to touch down.

Our pilots later informed us of the nightmare they’d had with ATC who kept changing their minds. If this is the case, something needs to be done before a serious incident occurs.

The report into the Ryanair incident claims that authorities will be investigating the “level of preparedness of the flight crew“.

Any thoughts?

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